April 20

I missed my picture for today, the alarm went off and I had a camera nearby. I was so engrossed in the show Oprah was showing today, I cancelled my alarm and went right on watching it. I understand she was going to show a program on Columbine, since today is the 10th anniversary of that tragedy but she cancelled it because it focused too much on the killers and not the victims.

Instead she had a show about women getting out of prison and readjusting to normal life. Not a problem. The show morphed into a Lisa Ling special about child pornographer and not just talking about the show, but describing in detail some of the pornographic images and videos of children and what was happening to that child. Children, both boys and girls, animals and whatever were all included in the sicko 18-year old 's possession. Four computers worth of child porn. Not just regular porn, but child porn. I can't fathom the attraction of children and sex.

The Internet has created a free-for-all for people who engage in, photograph, video and share pornography. In the past, people had to take pictures to be processed, and technicians alerted police to patrons whose pictures were inappropriate. The advent of digital cameras, the ease of video production and the ability to produce pornography without someone safeguarding the subject matter has made the demand for child pornography explode.

Oprah's own experience with being sexually assaulted as a child is common knowledge. She continues to do shows on pornography, the victimization of women and children in an effort to raise awareness of the problems in our society. She is pushing the boundary lines and creating more awareness about the problem of a violent life. Though I don't subscribe to all her philosophies, I agree with the awareness raised about child porn on her shows.

I don't get the overriding sexual desire for contact with children or young people. I don't understand why people (mostly men) think it's okay to impose their own needs on innocent children and change who that child will become. So what, I live a naive life; maybe I like cats and knitting, licorice and super-heroes. OK, I'm not aware of all the latest fads and engage in more light-hearted things. Maybe I allow my darker nature to come out only when it doesn't hurt anyone else. Maybe I'll never understand why a family friend decided it was OK to corner me in a tack shed when I was 12. Maybe that's why I get upset over child porn is the feeling of helplessness and horror that those innocent children endure. I wonder what happens when that child grows up and somehow comes across those images. You can't be there to help every precious child and protect them from those horrible circumstances and that's hard to take.

The family friend faded into the past, and though I was able to get away, I never did tell my family, because somehow it would have been my fault. Moments like that change how you look at people.

I think it would have been better if Oprah had run the Columbine show, even though it focused on those two horrible bullies. My memories of that day 10 years ago are less than hearing about children being hurt. No wonder I didn't pick up a camera today.